First draft of Waking Up Ready

READ, COMMENT AND SUGGEST ON THE FIRST DRAFT HERE

Update: The first draft has become a second draft. PLEASE USE LINK AVAILABLE ON THE FRONT PAGE.

And please sign up on the newsletter below.

Ever since I was a kid I was interested in science fiction. But I couldn’t understand why virtually all future scenarios were about doom and gloom, about ‘dystopias’ and ‘post apocalyptic’ worlds. Why couldn’t anyone imagine a positive future for us? A future where everyone could thrive?

I understand now that it might be difficult to create conflict in a perfect world. Now, the possible world I have discovered through UbuntuGift EconomyResource Based Economy, The Venus ProjectThe Zeitgeist Movement and more, is not a perfect world. There will still be exiting challenges and  differences to solve and overcome. And to make movies about. But there will be peace, freedom for people, equality and prosperity for the whole of Humanity.

In 2009, the main idea for this film was born. It was based on the thought of how to show this positive future to people. Could there be a better way than to show this new world through the eyes of a contemporary? Someone who had accidentally awakened in this new world, but came from a completely different one? Ben was born. A short film was made. A website was made. And the project was made open source. Overwhelming interest from many people around the world was received. Ideas and comments poured in. But we had no story, yet.

To actually write a coherent story for a feature film from A to Z as a collaborating enterprise showed hard. Many ideas came in, but they were all discarded as not good enough. Either by me, or by the collective. After some years of receiving and offering ideas for the story, the present story finally emerged, and it was approved by the core group. The last year has been spent writing the full first draft of the Waking Up movie. 131 pages are now available on Google Docs for you to read, comment upon and make suggestions to. In the same breath, I ask you to sign up on the newsletter below and show your support to the film and this possible positive future for Humanity.

I would never have come this far if it was not for the support I have received during these years, and I thank every one of you who have commented, suggested, written or in any way contributed to this project. Even though it has been a bumpy road, all the bumps have been needed to shake this story into place. I have run the present script by several people with positive response, and today it is available to everyone under an open source license.

The next phase of this project is beginning and we have a lot of fun work ahead of us. Stay tuned and be a part of it. Looking forward to your input.

READ THE FIRST DRAFT HERE

Update: The first draft has become a second draft. PLEASE USE LINK AVAILABLE ON THE FRONT PAGE.

59 comments to “First draft of Waking Up Ready”
  1. I’m looking forward to seeing this in the near future~!! I want to help and contribute what I can.. If u need extras or helpers during production, I’ll gladly offer my time for this ^^ greetings from LA<3

  2. I know most of you have no trouble with the premise of this film, but to the one(s) who have, I can only say this: This movie is a science FICTION. I you have trouble with the moneyless world this movie depicts, think of it as just as fictional as Terminator or Matrix. This movie is not ‘based on a true story’, it is ALL MADE UP.

    Yes, I know a completely moneyless world where everybody lives in peace and there’s an unheard of abundance for all, is a UTOPIA. But just as Matrix, where the whole world has been taken over by machines, or Elysium, where the rich overclass hides away on a space station while the rest suffer on the planet, or World War Z, where the whole planet is taken over by zombies, just like these movies, Waking Up is a FANTASY.

    Why some people have such huge trouble accepting a fantasy where life for the whole of humanity is GOOD, I can only speculate about. Never the less, the premise of this film stays.

    Take it or leave it.

    • No. Successful serious fiction, Science Fiction especially, unlike hack writing, turns upon the willing suspension of disbelief and respect for the intelligence of your audience. And yes, that starts with whatever the premise. If it’s not serious scenario futuring, then it still needs to be logically consistent on whatever its own terms.

      And it remains that when people won’t have to worry about money because automation has ended scarcity for their daily needs and comforts, then they won’t need or likely desire to institute whatever arcane sharing economy! They wouldn’t be able to. But if they are taboo ridden fetishists, perhaps one can imagine that they might indeed perpetually foam at the mouth with insipid lip service. Perhaps these people are just morose and ashamed of their own good fortune. Maybe the hero can just get back on ice until everybody forgets all of this inane ideological nonsense!

  3. To all of you, I have just switched to the Disqus comment system, and some comments might have been lost, but I hope most of them are there. In any case, this system will for sure give a much better commenting experience than the native WordPress system.

  4. If the 248 people subscribed to the newsletter come across sites like: thespiritscience.net, try Googling: how do you know if youre an indigo, crystal or rainbow child to get to the article and then post a comment about the waking up movie and Harald’s goal to collaborate on the script we can generate some energy around what’s happening here. I’m calling on each and everyone of us to post, post, post. Let’s give Harald some support for all his labor and love and get this show on the road <3!

  5. Have you guys take reference to Jacque Fresco’s book titled “Looking forward”, in the middle chapters of the book you would find Jacque’s prediction to life in a RBE world, in a story version. This book can be downloaded for fee in the official site’s “Download” section.

  6. Pingback: Waking Up movie: First Draft Finished | THE RESOURCE BASED sharing ECONOMY

    • Thank you for this, looking forward to a positive sc-fi film that actually teaches people! Although a RBE is not sc-fi stuff, haha!

      • 1. I propose that it would be more interesting if the Capitalist protagonist is actually a major player in the technologies that he will see reshaping the world after reanimation out from Cryonic suspension. That allows for contrast of its more humble innovations here and now, with its fuller development in the future. If you really want me to contribute to your script, then perhaps in order to improve the debate as presented, rendering it any less pat and one sided, I can begin by offering better arguments for the awakened protagonist representing Capitalism:

        Commerce is Promethean and uplifting. Civilization begins from commerce. All good in our world is in some part owed to commerce. Our situation today (the past in the story) has been well described as Capitalism for the poor and Communism for the rich, instead of proving for the masses while keeping industry healthy, competitive and ethical in a Free Market accountable under the Rule of Law for which we all share responsibility. I would like to say that Recourse Based sharing Economy is a classic example of a solution in search of a problem, but it’s not even that! The entire premise is that sharing is good, therefore private property is bad, and thence by extension commerce and money. No, I fear that this is nothing more than another expression of the long failed program of Moralism, the society that strives for harmony by rejecting and reshaping the individual into a veritable saint. I wonder, is there any particular practical purpose in sharing? Certainly not in the affluence of Robotopia, where luxury, much less the necessities of life, is ever plentiful, actually in excess, and the only reason to share a ride or a meal, is entirely social. Automation and freely accessible affluence is the annihilation of money worries, never ideologically enforced compulsive sharing as extolled on the kibbutz, killing the choice and spontaneity of individual generosity. I’m not the one here obsessed with money. You all are!

        • 2. Lastly, to reiterate, Cryonics figures in the script merely as a plot device. Perhaps I can draw connection between the issues of Cryonics, and your own focus of concern: Is anyone besides me here at all actually interested or involved in Cryonics? Because there are many interesting problems raised by Cryonics for dramatization. The ongoing struggle of Cryonics for public acceptance is actually very dramatic. Returning to theme: One problem is actually that Cryonics is deemed unnaturally selfish! Personally, I deem the individual selfishness of survival as not entirely so inappropriate. But I have proposed actually the Public Relations rehabilitation of Cryonics via popular ideology of sharing, and all very much to the practical public good for synergy between private and public interests. Know more at: FoolQuest dot com slash Kriosgrad dot htm

        • ‘All good in our world is in some part owed to commerce.’ Hmm….I can’t say I agree there. SOME good, maybe, but very very far from ‘all’. On the contrary, commerce is responsible for most evil as far as I can see. Fracking, oil sands, overfishing, pollution, diseases, poverty, corruption, war, crime, and the list goes on and on and on. Actually, the only way I can see EVERYONE thriving on this planet is if we have a completely different ‘system’ where profit motive and narrow self interest are not the driving forces, but rather the wish to help each other, and create the ‘best possible world for everyone’, which means that money and trading will naturally fade out. No need to trade when share and give. No need for money when there is no trading.

          But you might be on to something when it comes to the Capitalist in the story being behind some technology contributing to reshape the world. After all, Ben is not supposed to be an evil person, so he might have been supporting some big technology thing that turns out to be beneficial for the whole planet when he wakes up again. This, as I see it, will be an addition to the script though, not a replacement. Any suggestion to what?

          And when it comes to cryonics and the questions it poses I see you are over average interested in that and can probably contribute in that regard. That it is a selfish thing to want and do can be reflected in certain ways in Ben as well. He can also suffer from some more medical problems after awakening, in addition to the confusion and depression. Again; any suggestions?

          • Commerce is a decentralized system of decision making, in which all players participate, smoothly taking into account more variables than any centralized decision making system can handle. Improved computer technology has actually been devised, by creating an economy within the hardware and software, for the allocation of system resources. Democracy and Liberal Free Market Capitalism, the American Dream of Entrepreneurship, is the best and most productive known decentralized decision making system, the only one that will ever develop and produce 3-D printers, VR printers, or practical immortality. All attempts to demonize, suppress and replace commerce, have ended in disaster. The removal of profit motive is throwing our proverbial baby with the metaphorical bath water. In the Soviet Union, as collectives farms failed massively, they finally allowed small tracts of land for private use and sales of the produce. What do you think happened?

            And it’s not just the money. Creative people who aren’t desperate for money, seek other satisfactions in business and careers, even altruism. Think of George Soros and Richard Branson, for whom Capitalism inherently, is neither good nor evil, but quite simply the best tool for the good they want to do, where every other approach has failed. And if you look at locales thriving even as Wall Street continues to engineer and exploit economic disaster, what can be found in common is an alliance between nonprofit, for profit and government, to nurture the infrastructure that attracts high tech companies willing to pay higher taxes and wages. In the words of Nick Hanauer, the Middle Class are the true job creators: www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/17/nick-hanauer-ted-talk_n_1524435.html

            But as for the evils of commerce that you place on display, I can do better: The masses reacting emotionally, are prone to some systematically disastrous economic decisions caisin the boom and bust cycles, if proper measures are no taken. And the same incentives for production and service also inspire crime, including organized crime, corporate crime, oppression and environmental pillage. When the Vikings sailed out on trading ventures, they also engaged in piracy as the opportunity arose. Whenever there is an advantage in breaking the rules, there is a percentage of the population that will do it. And the only way to keep exploitation and abuse in check is the Rule of Law under Democracy, with business ethics and accountability. Every other approach has failed, Moralism especially.

            But more to the point of script writing, you must admit that your Capitalist protagonist is a straw man, whom you thrash for a solid 90 minutes of screen time! How dull. You really have no idea what you are talking about. Abraham Lincoln said: “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” The most reprehensible Plutocrats in America might be the Koch brothers. And I do not understand them. I freely admit this. They are thoroughly unsympathetic and dramatically not interesting. Not until the writer could gain understanding of them.

            And my suggestion vis Cryonics remains that you browse FoolQuest -dot- com -slash- kriosgrad -dot- htm

              • Aaron, You wrote: I AM GETING SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF ABOUT MU URL BEING BLOCKED FROM POSTING, AND I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION. Seriously, you are entitled to your opinion but not to drain everyone’s energy with rants that do not further the cause of this effort/site. This is about a movie, not your life story and I for one wish you would find another platform to spew (from my impression) your anger. I invited your ideas in the hope you would add something positive and I believe you have but it’s greatly overshadowed by abundant negativity. IMPORTANT: No one is asking you to agree with the premise, nor is this site a place to argue it. Your website links are recorded and I’m sure you have contact information listed there if anyone wants to continue the dialogue with you. Thank you for your contribution, but now PLEASE allow us to get on with the task at hand. Diana

                  • Aaron, I got your point, no misquoting took place. First, no explanation is “in order” nor should someone demand one. The owner of a blog has every right to not allow active links AND also the right to BLOCK someone from their site. Next, there are two reasons why not to allow linking. One being the most obvious where someone with useless comments (SPAM) is just link building (a SEO tactic) and two, active links take a visitor off the intended site which is counter-purpose.

                    I do want to thank you, however, for all the rich content you are adding to the blog, as rambling as it may be, as it adds tremendously to our blog’s link and page rank juice. 😉

            • Further illustrations regarding the Free Market:

              1) There is a crying need for expensive heath care, free of charge for all. And what has been the impact? Well, you may say: Look at those greedy insurance companies. The profit motive only creates incentive for them to avoid and deny payments! Too true. And as something of a monopoly, they get away with it. A free market solution to the problem would first require a free market!

              2) There are other problems in heath care: By way of illustration, when you go for an X-Ray, you never have to shop around for the cheapest X-Ray negatives. As a result, they cost at least twice as much as they should. All across the board, heath care suffers from the removal of market forces by covering the masses. Now, Single-Payer, would allow patients the power of collective purchasing and bargaining, to haggle down the cost of prescription medicine. But guess what happened? Vested interest fought it down, tooth and nail.

              3) In order to speed access to vital life saving medicine, the law was changed to disallow the patenting of any natural chemical discoveries. The result was to remove the incentive for funding the research.

              4) When Muammar Gaddafi magnanimously granted home ownership free of charge, to everyone in Libya, what do you suppose happened to the construction industry, left holding the bag?

              5) The Empire of China created a stable society, without social mobility from profit making. They attempted a major state sponsored effort to scour the world for new knowledge and medicine, which petered out. But in the ports of Alexandria, the customs officials scoured the incoming ships, not for contraband, but books and across to borrow and copy for their famous library. There is also the case of Ionia. The ships only came and went for trade. Civilization began with agricultural trade. The Industrial Revolution and the world around us, was obviously commercial. Likewise the Agricultural Revolution that feeds us. Wax nostalgic if you care to. But I know your wouldn’t survive half an hour in the Third World with no flush toilets!

              6) Even Marx acknowledged the necessity of Capitalism first, before any further progress. In Russia, Lenin sought to leapfrog over the Capitalist stage, directly into Communism, with tragic results. Even Engels distinguished Liberal Free Market Capitalism from Monopolistic Capitalism, and predicted the quick demise of the former at the hands of the latter. But the struggle continues. Indeed, along with Lifestyle Entrepreneurship, businesses more as hobbies of intrinsic interest, even if less profitable, Social Entrepreneurship, business with mixed profit and civic motives, has emerged and grows as a player and a motive in the market and the future. Many new businesses are now chartered neither as profit nor nonprofit, but various new hybrid forms.

              7) Consider pro-market reform and the spectacular recovery of post-Soviet Poland with Western Capital. We need the same strategy everywhere, as part of a new global Marshal Plan.

              8) Consider the spectacular life saving success of microloans in the Third World.

  7. First of all: The screenwriting maxim: “Show, don’t tell.” Action, not exposition. I do not care to be preached at! And there is much hand waving.

    Secondly: Sad to say, but this is not a serious writing community. You don’t seem to be getting any critique, much less the sort of lively writer’s bull session if quality communal authorship is what you are really after.

    • Aaron, welcome aboard, your position and comments are duly noted and appreciated. However, consider if you will, following your own advice and “show…don’t tell. Take action, not exposition…” Meaning CONTRIBUTE! that is what’s needed and asked for. Obviously, you can make a difference so please we look forward to your contribution, make us better.

      • You seem to be advancing the doctrine of so-called “constructive criticism”. i.e., to offer advice instead of fault finding. But problem statements are necessary before solution finding. One of the most important things that I can ever show anybody how to do is the exchange of criticism,. Nevertheless, yes I do have an example of better writing that I can recommend for your perusal:

        Star Trek: The Next Generation: Episode 26 The Neutral Zone’ at: www.hulu.com/watch/441992

        All of the same territory is covered most concisely and dramatically.

        And I hope that you have seen ‘Vanilla Sky’.

        • Actually Aaron, I’m not giving advice or criticizing, I’m merely asking you to contribute your “words” to the script which is what this blog is all about. Yes, I’ve seen VS & ST and I think with your input in the script writing that we might have a break thru in concept we haven’t imagined already. Why do I believe this? Well, if it weren’t true you would not be here.

          • 1. I fear that you have the cart well before the horse on more than one count.

            If you want my input, then first let’s discuss the format of participation, to facilitate rather than block creative contribution. It has been well said that writing is like photography: easy to do but hard to do well. I perceive that none of you practice or understand the fundamentals that are called the discipline of the writing craft. Nor do you show any inkling of creative collaboration and problem solving, a central theme of my own website: FoolQuest dot com Indeed, you have failed from the beginning, to spark a real writers bull session in order to develop the best ideas. And I fear that you may have become somewhat attached to what you’ve got.

            If you want my help, then I make a proposal to the agenda: I urge that it will be helpful to discuss and to analyze Star Trek: The Next Generation: Episode 26 The Neutral Zone’. We should compare and contrast the episode with whatever it is that you might be striving for, the same or differently, beyond the obvious details of setting etc.

            • 2. But as for taking a stab at input, if the theme is Cryonics and all the issues raised, then on my own Cryonics page at FoolQuest dot com slash kriosgrad dot htm you will find extensive treatment of the many and various problems and conflict raised by Emortalism, beginning with a novel proposal if dare may I say so myself, that might be fictionalized, hopefully contributive to a better future.

              Lastly, I find the abolition of money a silly moralistic trope of ideology and delusion. Wherever there is shortage, there will be commerce. And commerce is a highly effective decentralized decision making tool for society, abandoned at our peril. Of course, the opposite extreme, laissez faire and utterly unregulated commerce with no checks and valance or responsible intervention whatsoever, is equally silly, moralistic and impractical delusion of ideology, inevitably ending in monopoly, oligarchy that so endangers free trade on a level playing field. What is interesting is the impending impact of transfer of the means of production, not to any Proletariat, but to the individual consumer, in the technology of rapid prototyping, the 3-D printer for every home. -On Star Trek, the replicator, in mythology, the Cornucopia. But as we have seen from the example of Star Trek, Utopian vision quells drama. And this does especially for the replicator. But in true Science Fiction, even drama may take second place to the speculative element. What is needed to find either, is deeper and more serious research and futuring.

              While we are on the topic of whatever is Utopian, let us take caution that there are two senses of the word: There is nothing wrong in a high aspiration for humanity. It is the other sense if the word that should be the more ominous, having to do with ideology of perfectionism, staying the course of grandiose irresponsibility without realistic planning, and irreversible sweeping measures where in the end are deemed to justify the means, all ending inevitably in Distopia. A more convincing future history and progress is more interesting, subtle, each step at a time, and so is responsible policy.

          • I am feeling irritated: The current script does not interest me. It’s an obsessive diatribe, not a story. It hurts my eyes! I have been trying to help you. If you really want me to take a stab at revision of what you have now, then will you at least first do your part by making rewrites on your own in order to “SHOW – don’t tell”? Here is my extensive selected resource upon “SHOW – don’t tell”: FoolQuest dot com slash fooltrek_faq slash fooltrek_faq_III_basics_c_style dot htm hash-tag show PS. I should not be aggravated and delayed with needless difficulty posting. Please stop blocking URLs, it’s a real pain and a mistrustful insult.

    • I just wanted to say that I completely agree about what you noticed regarding to ‘show, don’t tell’. Congratulations! I am ‘telling’ a lot on purpose to include in the script what I want to say, to remember it. I DO have plans to find ways to SHOW the same a lot more instead of telling it. And if you see ways to do that in the script, please don’t hesitate to share. And yes, this is not a community of dedicated writers. It is for the public. But even non-experienced writers can have lots of useful feedback. After all, these are the ones who will watch the movie in the end. The hope is to attract dedicated writers to this project and then work more deeply with them. I would love for the script to be discussed in a community of dedicated writers. If you know of any, please share. Speaking of the abolition of money, which you find to be “a silly moralistic trope of ideology and delusion”, and Star Trek, which you obviously have in high regard, here’s a quote for you: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H5uPyU2oKE

      To be so negative to the whole thing, it is amazing how much you engage yourself into it…

      • Commerce 1: Money won’t be abolished, but for many purposes it will become effectively outmoded. Cost per unit on daily goods will become negligible. Negative income tax is a possible way to provide for everyone. As production increases, payout from negative income tax can be steadily raised. No one will handle money or worry about it, but someone will be keeping accounts behind the scenes. With tangible goods provided by home automation beginning with consumer marketing of the 3-D printer, many goods will disappear from the market shelves. Eventually the needed raw materials and electrical power will also become of negligible expense and be thought of as free of charge. But money in bank accounts will still be used in resource allocation in large scale projects like the construction of battleships! -As Captain Picard ought well to know. And thank heavens for Ferenge Fred, minding the books, so that enlightened Joe Federation needn’t soil his delicate hands!

        • Commerce 1: As an even luxurious standard of basic living becomes the norm, this will provide freedom for dilettante science and arts, freely working for betterment, along with mind-blowing hedonism as well. But scientists and artists will still need greater resources for particle accelerators and museums. Some will be funded, while others innovate with the readily available technology, like the folks today, who unable to rent a supercomputer, actually networked several play stations for the same processing power for their project.

          With material production reduced to negligible expense, another possibility might be an entirely skills based economy.

          Again, as long as there is whatever scarcity, there will be money. Any true end to commerce is part of a distant and inaccessible Post Human future, of cosmically vast resources and far advanced personal technology.

          But abolition of money, imposed by whatever fiat, really means centralized economy and all of the inevitable disaster that brings, never whatever greater efficiency and social interest promised. So, hooray for money and plenty of it for everyone! I believe it was Robert Graves who said that money is a wonderful servant and a terrible master. Let’s not hurry to throw out the proverbial baby with the metaphorical bath water!

        • What you are describing is part of the transition to the world in the movie, ending up in a world without money. I see the need for a measuring unit, which I have called UMU, ‘Universal Measuring Unit’, giving an indication of the cost of resources, goods and services. It is only used as an indication though, to keep track of resources, but not something anyone have to possess to buy anything. There are several things I will add to the script, and this is one of them.

          You have to think further ahead.

          When it comes to the Episode 26 of Star Trek, I have of course watched that a long time ago. I reviewed it last night, and thank you for reminding me about it as it have certain interesting dialogue. But as a basis for a discussion for the whole movie? That makes me think that you haven’t actually read the script. Have you? If you had, you would have noticed that you can comment your heart out in there and leave as many links you want in the Google Document.

          I think it is obvious what ‘dedicated writers’ are Aaron; People dedicated to writing. In this case: Screenplays.

          As answer to your ‘proposal to agenda’, you can just go ahead. If it is the Star Trek episode you are referring to I would like to know from you exactly what you are thinking in that regard. As I have said, I have reviewed it again, but can’t find more there relevant to this film at it’s present stage than some interesting dialogue and character interaction, and the characters themselves. When it comes to ‘show vs tell’ in regards to Star Trek, this episode is certainly no more than 10% ‘show’ and 90% ‘tell’.

          But please, enlighten me about what exactly you think we can learn from it in regards to the film.

          As an end note here; I have a feeling you haven’t even read the script. If I don’t get an indication from you on that, like comments IN THE GOOGLE DOC, then I can’t go on with this discussion. In any case, I think it is more fruitful to discuss the script in the Google Doc and not here. Thank you.

          • As there is already the Euro uniting European currency, yes, eventually there will be an official international currency. But your expectation that it will only be a measure serving no budgetary restriction, much less exchange, seems peculiar. Quark had it right: Commerce is a human taboo, but reality nonetheless. Indeed, the affluence of Robotopia as depicted in the Federation is as different as night and day, from the moralistic legacy of Christianity and Communism to which Captain Picard ET AL pay such lip service.

            A comparison of ‘Waking Up’ with Star Trek: The Next Generation ‘The Neutral Zone’ would vastly clarify for me the intent of the former.

            And I still think that not all dedication is equivalent. The strategy is no less important than the goal. Writers need to be dedicated to drama, the discipline of the writing craft, the speculative element: conjecture, not to mention the practice of controversy and criticism (critique). Without this learning curve, serious writing is impossible and reduced to pipedream, regardless of effusive heartfelt dedication. And I think that this is important enough to discuss openly.

            I tried to read the script. I think that it is unreasonable to ask others to read it in its current form. But don’t take my word for it. Ask around in any serious writing community. A brush over to reduce exposition and instead to “SHOW – don’t tell” might vastly improve readability. So would any sort of shorter plot outline, which is also standard practice. I’m not sure you all grok “SHOW – don’t tell”. Reconstruct the following URL: FoolQuest -dot- com -slash- fooltrek_faq -slash- fooltrek_faq_III_basics_c_style -dot- htm#show in order to browse my resources on “SHOW – don’t tell”. (This nasty block on my URL MUST be removed post haste!!!!) I am frankly not interested in editing the current voluminous propaganda diatribe put in the mouths of cardboard characters.

            How do you want me to comment in future? Edit the google doc with ‘track changes’ switched on, stick my remarks at the top of the page, save, alter the document name, and upload to the same folder? It seems a long way to go, while still in preliminary discussion. The text as it stands, is simply not yet in any shape that I can actually begin to revise.

      • What are dedicated writers, and dedicated to what? It makes every difference. Useful feedback from anyone, beginner or expert, is indeed predicated upon the openness to speculate freely and to exchange criticism. In fiction writing specifically, there is an intelligible standard for innovation and criticism, that of drama. I hope to see fruition of your promise to rewrite in order to “SHOW – don’t tell” and I hope that you can make out my resource link that I had to slip by in “dot” and “slash” spelled out. Please rake care of this problem. And I still wait response to my proposals to agenda, so that we can begin serious discussion.

        • Honestly, Aaron. Unless you come up with some CONCRETE suggestions inside the Google Doc, I will assume you are nothing more than a guy who knows a lot of writing theory but have never actually written anything. Your website is a mess and completely uninspiring. I can’t waste my time discussing truisms with you. I need direct feedback on the actual script, IN the script, not general writing theory. If you can say exactly what you think is wrong with the story, not just ‘show more-tell less’, I will listen to you. So far I have gotten nothing from you. I am not a webmaster and can’t solve the link problem. In any case, I can’t look at your website, it hurt my eyes, so don’t bother linking to it. Honestly.

          • As things stand, I cannot give you what you want. The ball remains in your court. I cannot seem to get it through to you that you seem to have a concept of the writing process, and that unfortunately those assumptions are simply false. If you refuse to put writing theory of style and drama into practice, then capable writing will never accrue. If you refuse to discuss the ideas and hammer out the plot, your output will not be meaningful either. I am not saying anything that has not been well understood for thousands of years.

            And besides, as a matter of plausible future history an milieu, you are quite naïve if you cannot appreciate the continued role of the free market in democracy and human progress. You don’t know what you are talking about through your characters, who do not have believable sympathetic motivation of their own. The big capitalist is a parody and travesty, while the future people are all such relentless preachers. This is no drama! There is no human subtext. Stop hitting the reader over the head! I can only critique at this point. I cannot fix this for you until you find any other voice. If you will not attempt anything that I have suggested, then my hands are tied.

            Go ahead a look for advice elsewhere from anyone qualified or capable. No serious writer will ever candidly tell you anything different.

            As for “SHOW – don’t tell” you can search out the information on your own. But if you won’t be troubled to click the links that I have already selected and organized for you, then I’m not holding my breath.

            • I will say what Harald is too polite to say, Aaron! you are completely full of shit, another libertarian anarcho capitalist, mentally retarded egotistical moron, now go away & let these people get on with doing something useful for our species.

              • I will begin by noting that it has taken you some time to respond to my post.

                You have spoken of collective dedication to your writing task. The problem is in what you seem to be afraid to come out and say.

                I will begin by analogy: Consider two hypothetical groups of people, each dedicated to building a house. While one group just roles up their sleeves before a pile of bricks, the other group takes an interest in principles of architecture, construction, masonry etc. You must admit that the difference is not trivial! Maybe the members of the first group are all intuitive genii, with no need of book-learning. But that is the exception, and moreover the question may be subject to empirical observation and assessment.

                To further expand my narrative analogy, the first group loves to hold pep rallies, while second group enjoys debating the different options. Which group will be happier and more productive? I expect that you’d answer the first group, while I would bet on the second one.

                What you are saying is not merely that a dedicated group of writers can produce a serviceable script, but that they need no concern with any principles of drama or the disciple of the writing craft. Indeed, that ideological conviction will suffice. Well, good luck with that!

                Another point that I will reiterate, has to do with how the effective dramatization of a debate must begin with a fair and interesting debate: As a matter of believable and interesting characterization and dialogue, your capitalist protagonist would be well versed in what is called Austrian Economics, in the works of Hayek, von Missus and to make it interesting, Karl Popper.

                Lastly, economics of any kind, competitive or otherwise, is about allocation given shortage, limited supply whatsoever. Automation the likes of rapid prototyping, the 3-D copier, will end shortage, rendering economic questions moot. The projected impact of self replicating technology is a fascinating question of Science Fiction that your ideology seemingly blinds you to.

                I just wanted make myself clear. Bearing in mind all that I have said, if there is anything that I can do to help, please let me know.

                PS. Name calling might not be terribly helpful.

              • I will begin by noting that it has taken you some time to
                respond to my post.

                You have spoken of collective dedication to your writing
                task. The problem is in what you seem to be afraid to come out and say.

                I will begin by analogy: Consider two hypothetical groups
                of people, each dedicated to building a house. While one group just roles up
                their sleeves before a pile of bricks, the other group takes an interest in
                principles of architecture, construction, masonry etc. You must admit that the
                difference is not trivial! Maybe the members of the first group are all
                intuitive genii, with no need of book-learning. But that is the exception, and
                moreover the question may be subject to empirical observation and assessment.

                To further expand my narrative analogy, the first group
                loves to hold pep rallies, while second group enjoys debating the different
                options. Which group will be happier and more productive? I expect that you’d
                answer the first group, while I would bet on the second one.

                What you are saying is not merely that a dedicated group
                of writers can produce a serviceable script, but that they need no concern with
                any principles of drama or the disciple of the writing craft. Indeed, that
                ideological conviction will suffice. Well, good luck with that!

                Another point that I will reiterate, has to do with how
                the effective dramatization of a debate must begin with a fair and interesting
                debate: As a matter of believable and interesting characterization and
                dialogue, your capitalist protagonist would be well versed in what is called
                Austrian Economics, in the works of Hayek, von Missus and to make it
                interesting, Karl Popper.

                Lastly, economics of any kind, competitive or otherwise,
                is about allocation given shortage, limited supply whatsoever. Automation the
                likes of rapid prototyping, the 3-D copier, will end shortage, rendering
                economic questions moot. The projected impact of self replicating technology is
                a fascinating question of Science Fiction that your ideology seemingly blinds
                you to.

                I just wanted make myself clear. Bearing in mind all that
                I have said, if there is anything that I can do to help, please let me know.

                PS. Name calling might not be terribly helpful.

  8. The opening scene of the protesters really got my interest. I stopped at 8, but I’m curious to know what they were protesting and I hope I find out soon! But I will continue reading and commenting because I love the idea that you have for this and I fully support it.

  9. Harald, I think about and bless you and your project everyday for success and the change that is happening now in each and every one of us and the huge movement coming upon its release. Feel embraced and empowered. I call upon each of us to put our energy behind the making of this film and the unending resolve that you have in bringing it to fruition.

Comments are closed.